Thursday, January 27, 2011

Why Do You Second Guess Me?

Why is it that you think you need to second guess me? Is it because I'm quiet and not an outgoing snob like you?
Everyone wonders why I'm not confident in myself or my ideas. When I do notice something that needs to be taken care of though, they don't validate my thoughts on the issue. The following will better explain what I mean...

Today at work, about 40 mins before my shift ended, a dog U was harrassing a smaller dog G, and I asked my coworker if U could go on her side. My coworker had one dog in a pop-up kennel and one other dog she was watching. She asked me what U was doing, so I told her and she pretty much ignored my worry. Roughly 20 min later U was in a fight with G and another dog B. If my coworker had listened to my concern, this would not have been an issue.

It seems like this happens to me all the time. I had it happen at work twice today with two different people. I'm getting really tired of people not taking things I say seriously. Maybe I ittirate things wrong, I'm not sure.

So my day at work was crap. To top it off, when I was leaving work, I tripped on one of the steps and fell. It wouldn't have been has bad if three workers and one customer hadn't been in the reception area to see it happen. It also wouldn't have been as bad had I had a good day at work to begin with.

Anyways its time to work on homework...

I worked all day today and now get to sit through 4 1/2 hours of class. Don't get to head home until 1030pm tonight when Mary gets out of class.

Love & Peace

Monday, January 17, 2011

My Last Week...

So this last week has been the most stressful week of the month so far. And this is how it went...

To begin with on Wed, I called into work because I woke up feeling like crap. By the afternoon I had started to feel fine again. Thursday morning I woke up and again felt like crap, but went to work. All day I felt horrible and had flu like symptoms (to put it nicely). No puking though. Thursday night I had class so went to school hoping I could stay for class. I decided I felt to horrible and wanted to go home but remembered that we had guest speakers. I talked to my teacher and he said to stick it out if possible because otherwise I would have to find someone else to interview on my own time. So I decided to stick it out...

Since I was still feeling like crap Thursday night, I decided to call in sick  for Friday. The way I was feeling I didn't want to chance that I might still be sick Friday and decided to just take it off.  Mary also wasn't feeling well so she also called in sick for Friday.

Because I had to stay for class Thursday night, I decided to drive over to Target (which is right across the street) to get some "feel better" items. I got into the car and it wouldn't start. I pretty much knew it was the starter since we'd been having a few troubles with it starting for awhile.It had always started but sometimes it took some extra UMPH. So I called Mary to come down (she was in the computer lab). We went in to the LRC to look up places we could take the car too and have it fixed. This lady was in the LRC and overheard us. She said she would call this guy, D who knew a guy who could probably fix it. She talked to him and he said he would call the other guy. She gave us the first guys number and we called him. The second guy, E, said he could do it Friday, we would just need to get the part. So we said we would talk to him on Friday.

D said to try and get the car jumped. So one of the faculty came out and we tried to jump it. It was right before class though and we had to hurry, so didn't have it sit on the battery. We couldn't get it started. The lady who we had talked to suggested for us to get permission to leave it at the school overnight. So I went and got a typed permission thing to put in the dashboard.

I had been talking to this one guy, S, who is in my class. He said it sounded like the battery. After class I went and showed him what was going on. He still swore it was the battery. While we were looking at the car, and 5-6 other men came over to see what was going on. One guy tried to jump the car with his motercycle. While we were standing there Mary came out of class with her teacher who said he could try jumping the car with his older diesel Rolls Royce. So he pulled his car around and put the cables on. He sat with them on for a bit, and then went to start it. He got it to start right away and then told Mary its the starter because he had to turn the key three times quick to get it started. So we were able to drive home.

Friday morning we got up and talked to the guys who were coming to help us. We also priced the parts we needed to get it fixed. Since E was the guy was going to fix the car, we talked to him most. We found out that we not only did we need to try and get the car to run so we could go pick up a part but we also needed to pick them up at the bus station. E asked us how much we wanted to pay him and we weren't sure how much something like that ran. He quoted us $200. We didn't want to pay that much because one of the repair places we had called the night before had thought it would be about $200 parts and labor. I told E that was a little out of our budget. He said "well tell me how much you can pay." I said what about a hundred? I could tell right away that was too low for him. I said $150? He said that was fine. The part we found was $72 plus core.

So we went down to the car and tried to start it. It didn't start the first time but then I thought I'd try what Mary's teacher did. It started right up. We decided that since it started and we wouldn't have to tow it that we wanted to check out at the repair place I had to talked to the night before. So I called E and D and told them we couldn't get the car started (yes I fibbed a little) and needed to have it towed a little. These guys were desperate to try to get my business. Mary called the auto repair who said that labor would be $80 and the part was $78 plus the core. Total that up and it is A LOT cheaper than what we would have had to pay the guy who said he would be a lot cheaper than an auto repair place.

So we took the car in and got the starter changed. While we were there, we told the guy about the guy who was going to help us. He said, "He's a scam." I never really thought about that until he said that. Even though the little part was a little dishonest, I am glad we didn't go with them.

We figured that since the car was getting its starter fixed, we would also take it in for an oil change. Paid over $100 there. But she needed it, so it was worth it. She still needs some work and a deep tune-up, but she already is running a lot smoother.

Saturday Mary still wasn't feeling good and I was over-exhausted from the week so we didn't go to school.

Sunday we decided to do some deep cleaning. The kitchen is cleaned, bathroom spotless and laundry done. We went to take the laundry down and wanted to leave Wyatt upstairs but when we opened the door, he escaped out without his leash on. I had to go down after him but he doesn't come when called and just kept running away. There was a lady and her girl (about 6 yrs old) walking by and he went chasing after and barking at them. I called him back once and then he did it again. He would come towards me but stay just out of reach. Did I mention this is also on a busy road with traffic flying by? He finally came to me and I grabbed him and took him upstairs. I put him in the bathroom (where he sleeps at night) for a time out.

The Wyatt thing really upset me because I didn't know what to do to get him to come to me. Then he's running on the edge of the road and chasing a little girl who he has probably traumatized now. Mary came down and went towards Wyatt the second time he went after the girl. The mom had picked the girl up but after Wyatt came back to me, Mary said the mom kind of laughed. Like that's gonna make the girl feel better. I'm surprised the mom wasn't upset or something...

So that is my stressful week. I work today 4-7, which is usually my day off. Mary is sick again today. So I'm a little stressed because that means our next two checks will be small and rent will be due.

So I'm glad to get all of this off my chest. Sorry for my rant.

Love & Peace

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Passions & Children

I like to search through different blogs and see what others out there are writing about. A lot of bloggers blog about thier passions and children. Both of which I am without.
I look at different people's passions and think "that would be cool to do" or "I wish I could do that". I don't really have any thing that I am passionate about. I like to write and take photos, but I'm not passionate about it. I feel like my life must be pretty boring if I have no passions. Then there's the kids. Other bloggers blog about their families and children. I have no children. I want a couple of children some day but not sure that will happen. I'm already 27. Young you say? Well I need to finish college first which means I'll be 30. Then because I'm lesbian, I need to either find a donor, which costs money; or find a guy who I respect who can clear my high expectations for a sperm donor. At this moment, I don't know any males who would pass that test.
I am kind of envious of those bloggers who have interesting things to talk about. I'm not sure anyone would really THINK my blog as interesting. I mean who really cares about my cat, dog, or the thoughts that go through my mind. Probably no one.
I'm not really sure why I'm really into this blogging thing. I guess it helps to get it out of my head but I just wish it was actually interesting to read. That people might look forward to reading what I have to write. I doubt thats the case.

So thats my ramble for the night. Thanks for listening (if anyone even reads this).

Love & Peace

Sunday, January 9, 2011


As seen commented on my post about the cat being locked out of the bedroom, I got another cat litter box and put it in the bedroom. I am hoping that by being able to be in the bedroom, Elijah will be happier and can enjoy his time in there. The door will still be left open (it is blocked off with the doggy gate), so if he chooses to come out he can. Though he probably won't. At least he will hopefully poop in the box not on the bed. THANKS Shannon for the Litter Box!!!

I weighed myself today and have not lost any weight yet. I only plan to weigh myself once a week so not to become obsessed but to also keep tabs on where I'm at.

Mary and I took Wyatt for a nice walk today. Down one side of the street to the light, back up the street and then went on around the block and back. We would like to and are looking forward to doing more of these walks and to get our speed faster and length longer. Wyatt is tuckered out sleeping on the couch. He's such a sweet little guy!

Tonight we plan to have Turkey Meat Loaf (homemade by the awesome cook [Mary] in the house). Then to play some Wizard 101 and possibly watch a movie though I'm not sure we can fit all of that in.

That is the extent of my day!

Love & Peace

Saturday, January 8, 2011

A Best Friend?

I decided to blog about this because I'm tired of the feelings inside of me wanting to come out but not having anyone to talk too. Its hard not having someone who I can talk too, who understands what I'm going through. 

I'm Lonely. I have a friend who I would say is my best friend in Wisconsin, but thats so far away. We talk via email and once in awhile on the phone, but its not the same as having a friend sitting next to you, who you can hang out with and talk to face to face. Someone who likes you for you and doesn't try to change you.

I have gone through a lot of "friends" or "aquaintances" lately. I think they are friends and than they F*ck me over. They are also not True friends who have your back through everything.

Maybe its because I'm looking to hard for a friend. Maybe I just need to go with the flow more, but I feel like I've been waiting for a long time. I'm tired of feeling lonely and lost all the time.

I see and hear all these people talking about what they are doing with their friends and I can't help but feel a little bit envious. I wish I had someone to do those things with too. Instead I go home and veg out in front of the computer or TV. I don't have money to go out and try to meet people much.

I know you can't look for attributes in people and be happy. You have to find those attributes in yourself first. But doesn't everyone need a friend, perferbly a best friend? And why does it have to be SO hard to find these few pearls in life?

Any thoughts here?

Love & Peace

Friday, January 7, 2011

Update on my Resolutions...

So I thought I would write and update you all on how my new years resolutions are going.

    * My loosing weight one is going well. I haven't weighed myself lately but I have been drinking tea or juice (mostly tea) instead of soda. I went to the store after the first because my food stamps came in. I bought string cheese, yogurt, peanuts, and some dried fruit. I am eating these as snacks at work and school. I still eat one hot pocket before class on Tuesday and Thursday but not for my break at work. I am also choosing to eat smaller portions for supper. We usually don't get home from school until 11pm or so. I know its not good to eat right before bed but by that time I'm starving. So I'm trying to eat less at least. We have been cooking A LOT with the crockpot and are loving it.  

    * For the other two resolutions, I haven't gotten too far with either of these. I still need to find a some books. An acquaintance has said she has a couple of books for me to read but we haven't been able to work it out yet for me to get them. I haven't had time to look anywhere else.

      So that is the update on my resolutions. I'm going to try to update about once a month as to how I am doing.

    Love & Peace

Monday, January 3, 2011

New Year's Resolutions...

Happy New Year Everyone!

Usually I am one of those people who thinks about setting New Year's Resolutions but than never do. Other times I set the resolutions but don't actually follow through. This year I want to actually follow through. Instead of looking at the list as New Year's Resolutions, I want to look at them as life changes to better myself and who I am. If I don't complete them, its not the end of the world and I'm not a failure. I will just need to start over and try harder next time.

So far I only have a couple major things I want to work on this year.

1) Get my weight down to 175 lbs. That means loosing a total of 65 lbs. I believe this is doable. We have a dog now who loves to go on walks. We bought a crock-pot for Christmas which is better cooking then eating out all the time. My biggest downfall is drinking soda or other  fattening beverages instead of water. I would really like to start taking Tea with me instead of soda all the time. I have a friend who puts tea bags in her water bottle at school and drinks it in class. She just puts it in cold water. So my plan is to try this and see how it goes.

2) Work on my self-worth and confidence. This one I'm a little more worried about as I don't have any definite ideas of how to change this. They say you are supposed to tell yourself positive things, but if you don't actually believe these, how do say them to yourself? Read self help books maybe? I need some first, money to get them and time to read them. I have a lot of time to read them but I get distracted with the computer and other things. I put things off until the last minute or until its too late. I need to work on who I am versus who I want to be, and where I want to be in my life.

3) Procrastination. Just thought of this one and thought I should add this to my list. I am also not exactly sure how I need to do this one. Sometimes I think I do better on things when I procrastinate, and wait for the last minute.

So there are my three life changing things I need to work on this year. If you have any ideas or suggestions, feel free to share.

Love & Peace