Update From Florida...

So I'm writing all of you from Orlando Florida, instead of Portland Oregon, today.
We had to come out here to see Mary's Mom, and family. Her Mom is sick and in a hospice facility.
We arrived here on the plane, Wed. Feb 9th. We had left the Portland Airport at 6am, with a couple hour layover in New York. I definitely like the Portland airport better then the New York airport. The airport in New York was not kept as nicely as the Portland one. I found it interesting that there were birds flying around in the building and it was just the norm.We are staying at Mary's brother L's place.
The first day, we stayed at L's and slept in and just didn't do much. Its been hard getting used to the time difference as FL is 3 hours ahead of OR.
Friday we went and saw Mary's mom M. I met some more family. Sat we also went to visit M, and met A LOT more family. It was very nerve racking at first. I've never met any of Mary's family before and to meet them all at once was kind of stressful. The one nice thing is that I have a lot of her family on my facebook and have interacted with most, there. So they weren't complete strangers.
Sunday we didn't do a whole lot. Monday we rented a motel room for Valentines Day and so we could have a little time to ourselves. I decided I wanted to pay for the room and make it a little special for Mary, so got a room with a jacuzzi. We had a nice time together. On Tuesday we went to the Gulf Coast together. We stopped at Hudson Beach, Sunset Beach and then ended at Clearwater Beach. We got there in time for the sunset and watched the sun go into the water. It was beautiful and we took A LOT of pictures. We stopped at some tourist shops and got some souvenirs.
Tuesday morning I woke up with a very slight sore throat. I was really hoping it was allergy, but not I'm not so sure. Its been lagging on longer then allergies and I've taken allergy medicine, but it doesn't seem to be doing anything at all. Accept the Benadryl which knocks me out at night. I'm really hoping it is allergies and that I will get to feeling better soon or at least when I get back to Portland.
Wednesday we went to see M. We spent the afternoon there. M is doing ok and had a couple of days. She has some really good days and then it exhausts her so then a couple days later she will have some really bad days. The facility that M is at has a lot of volunteers that come in to visit with the patients or that will have special services for family members. Yesterday (wed) they had a lady there who does massage therapy. She volunteers her time there once a week. Mary, her dad L and I each got a massage. They were free and totally relaxing. The only down side was that she had a really soft touch and I prefer a deep hard massage. It totally relaxed me though and I could of laid down right then and there and gone to sleep.
Today we stayed home and slept. I slept until about 11am and then went back to bed about 1pm and got up about 3pm. We did get laundry done but that was about all we did.
Tomorrow the plan is to get up early and go to Disney World. Mary's dad L used to work at Disney world so gets free tickets. He gave us his two for this year. I have never been to Florida or anywhere like Disney world. It will be a new experience and I can't wait!

So that is my update for the last couple of weeks. We come back into Portland this Sunday. I won't be back to work until the 24th though. We have to pick up our cat and dog and then homework to catch up on. Plus we have to get over the jet lag which will be hard.

Talk to you all soon!


Love & Peace
RaeAnn

Mediocre...

I'm tired of being an average person who is never good enough. Every job I have had and everything I do, I work my ass off for. I try my hardest and put so much energy into everything and yet I am still not good enough. Other people come in and are always better than me and get promoted after only being there a short time. It seems like I never excel at anything. I am loosing energy to even try anymore. I might do good at something but it never gets me anywhere. Its not excelling. Why can't I excel in anything? Why can't someone see me as the one who should be promoted? What does a person need to do to excel when they are already putting all their energy into it. You can only put so much energy into something and then there's nothing left to give.

That's my rant for the day...

Love & Peace
RaeAnn

FINALLY! Its February!

This has been the FRICK'N longest month EVER! I feel like its been six months not one. I am really not sure what made it feel this way but this term has been hard. Maybe its the other stuff going on in my life right now (I can't blog about it right now). Maybe school and work and EVERYTHING else is taking a tole on me. I just want things to go back uphill instead of continuing downhill.

I really want to go to bed, pull the covers up over my head and just sleep. FOREVER. Hide from the world and all the people who try to pull me down all the time. Why is that I'm constantly fighting the battle with people. I don't feel I've done anything wrong and yet people think they can walk all over me. Than when I try to say something or stand up for myself, I am the bad person and get in trouble. Do I just attract this type of people or is there something wrong with me?  And how do I consistently stand up to these assholes without always getting in trouble? Someone told me the other day that people don't talk to them that way because they don't let them. So how does a person get this type of a backbone? How do you NOT let someone talk to you that way?

This term has been hard and I've felt lazy. I was able to bring my GPA from a 3.33 to a 3.47, last term. Now this term I'm afraid my GPA is going to go back down. I've done pretty good on the the papers I've turned in but there are a couple that have been late. And I'm never very good at quizzes. I don't do bad but I don't get 100% either.

I just want this term to end already. The month is FINALLY over so that's good. Maybe now that Feb is here, I'll be able to look forward again.

And I need someone to talk too. To just sit and talk too and let everything out but I don't have anyone like that. I've thought about going back to a counselor but that costs to much money for the person I want to see. So deep, down inside it goes, until it all explodes.


It is now time for bed... Tomorrow is a LONG day of work and then school. I hate Tuesdays and Thursdays the most.

Love & Peace
RaeAnn